7/2/18 No change this AM. It was disappointing for sure, but there is no alternative but to keep trying. Actually, no change in the scale, but I do feel better, like I might find my groove again. I have to re-train my brain/my self. I did track everything yesterday even tho I went over my points. I can look at it today and see why the scale didn't move. Gotta have it in blk & white, something tangible (SP?), sort of. Being honest w/myself. I think it goes right along w/not letting myself off the hook for blowing out every day. I still feel ashamed of myself when I lose control. Just like every time I took a pill. No sooner did I swallow it I'd feel so ashamed of myself I thought maybe I should puke it out and just as quickly think, Fuck no. I need this. I want this. Calgon take me away. But the euphoria (SP?) is so damn fleeting. I've never considered scarf and barf. I HATE puking. Anyway, I'm gonna carry on - plan, track, rinse, repeat.
It's been to hot to walk @ lunchtime. I guess I need to head to the parking deck. Tim G bringing donuts to work tomorrow. I'll bring my extra 'won't' power. Free food is the best food - Not. Not anymore. Not when I feel like I'm starting to get my shit together again.
Lunchtime temp 92° Feels like temp 103°. 3:09 - 95° feels like 108°. I'm just glad I dragged my arse over to the deck and did laps. The ramps actually gave me some flights. Not like hiking up 4th St, but not bad for 92°/103°. Part of the Sync/Reset.
Looking at just the few things I've posted, I feel like control is pretty damn important to me.
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